In the Beginning, God created ........

In The Beginning, God created the Heaven and the Earth. And the Earth was without form, and void, And darkness was upon the face of the deep.

And the Devil said, "It doesn't get any better than this."

And so God created Man in His own image; male and female He created them. And God looked upon Man and Woman and saw that they were lean and fit. And God populated the earth with broccoli and cauliflower and spinach and green and yellow vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives. And so the Devil created McDonald's. And McDonald's brought forth the Big Mac. And the Devil said to Man, "You want fries with that?" And Man said, "Super size them." And Man gained five pounds.

And so God created the healthful celery and carrots, that Woman might keep her figure. But the Devil brought forth Ben and Jerry's. And Woman gained five pounds.

And God said, "Try my crispy fresh salad." And the Devil brought forth his Devil's Food Cake. And Woman gained 10 pounds.

And God said, "Why doth thou eatest thus? I have sent thee heart- healthy vegetables and olive oil with which to cook them." But the Devil brought forth chicken fried steak and barbeque brisket. And Man gained 10 pounds and his bad cholesterol went through the roof.

And so God brought forth the fruit of the Earth, citrus and melons, berries and grapes, peaches and plums. And Man was thankful as he resolved to lose those extra pounds. And the Devil brought forth cable TV and remote control, TV trays and TV dinners, recliners and couches. And Man gained another 20 pounds.

And so God brought forth the potato, A vegetable naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition. And the Devil quickly created tater tots, deep fried in fat, then added biscuits and gravy, macaroni and cheese, milkshakes and cheesecake.. And Man gave into temptation and gorged himself on the Devil's deception. Man clutched his remote control and fell into cholesterol quicksand. And the Devil saw this and said, "It is good."

And Man went into cardiac arrest. And yet God forgave him still, and went forth and created Quadruple bypass surgery. And the Devil had but one alternative, he canceled Man's health insurance.

So God showed Woman how to peel the skin off chicken and cook it with the nourishing whole grain brown rice. And Devil created KFC to go. Woman went

And the Devil created light beer so Man could poison his body, while still feeling righteous. And Man gained another 10 pounds.

And Woman ventured forth Into the land of Godiva chocolate, M&M's and Ding Dongs and upon returning asked Man, "Do I look fat?" And the Devil said to Man, "Always tell the truth." And Man did.

And Woman went out in haste from the presence of Man into the wilderness and dwelt in the land of the divorce lawyer, East of Eden, forsaking the marriage counselor in favor of her vanity.

And the Devil said, "It doesn't get any better than this."

And God said unto Man, "Don't make me come down there! Go forth from Eden into the wilderness and grovel unto Woman. If she forgives you, so will I. And, take some of these apples with you."

And the Devil said, "Damn it, I forgot about that forbidden fruit thing. Oh well, I've still got the divorce lawyer."